if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
