I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
