So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
