yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
