After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
