I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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