Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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