First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
