If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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