i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
