Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
