It's like a parade of train wrecks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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