Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
