he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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