Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
