How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
