Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
