Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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