I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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