i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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