Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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