you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
