jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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