she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
