so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
