I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
