dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
