You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
