So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
