my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
