She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
