we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
