I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
