I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Floor bacon is actually really good
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
