Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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