just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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