Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
