I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We are two peas in an std pod
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
