Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
