it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
