for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
