What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
