if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
