so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
