I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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