last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
