Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
