she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
