I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
