i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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