now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
